WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS STEALING FROM MOMS — And Why I Keep Trying to Spend Less Time Scrolling

I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I have installed and uninstalled the Instagram app over the last decade.

That alone should tell you how aware I was of the detrimental effects it was having on my life.

I knew the days spent without it always felt better and the ones marked by constant scrolling drained me and left me with a void inside.

Yet, I kept coming back.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the endless cycle of deleting social media only to reinstall it days later, you’re not alone.

The Relationship I Had To Quit

When I became a mom, it felt like I had discovered a whole new side of social media. Parenting content filled my feed.

Everything from milestones, sleep advice, funny toddler videos and all the things you "need" for your baby.

Although I have found helpful advice, I was also overwhelmed with a million different options and opinions all at once. And as a first time mom, I fell into a deeper social media trance than before.

Think of it like a toxic relationship that lasted for over a decade, maybe closer to two. Though there were times of love and even enjoyment, the greater effect it had on me was negative.

Imagine how warped my sense of identity, value, normalcy and love would be after spending such a significant amount of my time, attention and affection in a relationship that was essentially killing me from the inside.

That's what social media was for me.

How Social Media Quietly Took Over My Life

But it’s not only the inside that was dying off, my ability to focus, being content with what I had, living in a seat of constant judgement towards people I had no contact with in the real world.

A heart seething with discontentment, comparison, envy, dissatisfaction and needing a new fix to soothe my need to escape from my real life. And on the outside, in my real life, I walked around with my head hung low - phone in hand. And if not in hand always somewhere in reach.

Time with my son was interrupted by an urgency to check for notifications.

My work would be delayed because I was sidetracked by incoming messages from the WhatsApp group.

I couldn’t watch a movie without checking my phone and sometimes scrolling throughout the entire movie. Books I desperately wanted to read to months to finish or would remain unfinished.

I would choose Instagram over it at the end of a long day in the name of needing a break.

But what I thought was a brain break was so much deeper and more sinister than I could have imagined. My struggle with this toxic relationship was not something I had merely fallen into, it was something that had been serving its exact purpose for which it was designed.

It was designed to retain as much of my attention and affection as possible, even if I had complicated feelings about it sometimes - it knew that I would keep coming back.

Although my problem with social media didn’t start when I had my son, looking back to the first year of his life, I recall how deeply I dove into my phone during the endless hours that I was nap trapped.

I didn’t pick up my Bible or a book, I picked up my phone.

That habit didn’t go away once he became a toddler. In fact, I still remained napped trapped so my default was to scroll.

I wasted so much time that I couldn’t figure out how I didn’t make any progress on books I was trying to read or projects I wanted to work on.

I felt far away from God, yet it seemed my brain's default was to choose scrolling over true rest found in God's Word.

The Moment I Realized Something Had To Change

One random day I realized that I would either continue with this same pattern of leaving this toxic relationship only to return a week later.

Or I would cut it clean off and never look back. One of those decisions would continue to rob me of the precious little time I had in this life, and the other would change my life forever, for the better. I couldn’t go back.

After seeing how quickly a year flew by and how fast my son was growing I couldn’t in good conscience spend so much of my life trapped in this digital world. There was too much real world waiting for me on the other side of it.

Though I would love to say that I never picked up my phone to install another social media app again, I would be lying. One of my hopes with this blog is to be transparent, not to paint a picture of an ideal reality but my actual reality.

The fight to stay off of my phone and use my time in truly restful or fulfilling ways is just that, a fight. But it is one I am not giving up on, so if you, like me, have struggled with your relationship with social media, here are a few reminders why life is better without it.

Even if you have chosen to scroll today, you don't have to stop fighting the urge. Even a decrease in time spent on social media and replaced with true, life-giving activities can make a world of a difference.

I want to give you a few reminders of what social media is stealing from you, what you gain by losing social media and what the antidote to that addiction is.

What Social Media Is Robbing You Of

Time is something we cannot get back and that no amount of money can buy more of.

We all know that our time is precious, and for those of us who are mother's we are reminder of how quickly time is slipping through our fingers when we glimpse at our children.

Time is something we cannot get back once it's gone. It is something none of us are guaranteed. Though we may make our plans, whether we will be here to see them come to fruition is not something that we have control over. Every day that God blesses us with a new day is a gift.

When we are reminded of the preciousness of that gift and its fragility, things like social media feel so insignificant and unimportant. Think of the people and things that are most important to you.

What are the activities, hobbies or skills that you have always wanted to start, improve upon and partake in? What books have sat on your to be read list and what has been on your family bucket list that just never got around to?

When we think of reaching for our phones, it helps to have a reminder of the things that are important to you nearby. Write them down and make sure you can see them.

It is a lot easier for me to reach for my Kindle instead of my phone when I have a book already installed that I have been wanting to read.

Part of breaking our social media addiction is setting ourselves up with better options, otherwise it always feels like the default option.

What You Gain When You Let Social Media Go

Once you get a taste of social media freedom, even if it's only a few days, something shifts.

There is a natural peace that exists.

Freedom From Constant Noise

Whenever I have gone on a social media break, I am able to feel a significant difference in my overall mood, my patience and ability to be in the moment.

You experience freedom from the pressure to keep up with everything and everyone. You realize that you don't need to know about the latest celebrity breakup, newest must have digital product or course or even the news.

These things are never ending and they don't require our attention all the time. And that brings a peace that constantly being "in the know" can't provide.

Freedom From Comparison

Spending time off of social media allows room to experience contentment in your own life.

Instead of scrolling through countless carousels and reels of other people's curated content, comparing your kitchen, kids, husband and what's for dinner, you get to focus on what is in front of you.

When our minds are filled with Pinterest images of the ideal life it can really remove our sights from the blessings God has entrusted us with today. When you take time to look up from the screen you notice so many more things to be grateful for and can grow in greater contentment.

Freedom To Enjoy Real Life

Before you know it, real life becomes something you learn to love rather than something you feel the need to escape from.

When your eyes are not fixed on social media, there is so much more room for other hobbies, interests, skills and pastimes to exist. Whether that is going to the park with your family, walking the dog, reading, baking, or creative projects.

When we begin to fill the spaces of our day with more life giving activities we begin to love life more.

The Antidote To Breaking Your Social Media Addiction

Replace Scrolling With Something Better

The antidote for social media addiction is the trading our desire for knowing what the world is doing and keeping up with it, to knowing the Word of God better.

In Women of the Word, the author, Jen Wilkin speaks of how the knowledge of something is what grows our affection for it, the more we get to know God's word, the more we grow in affection for Him and His word.

But not only for His word, but the more we do things that are truly enriching for our hearts and minds and do not simply numb our minds, the more we grow to enjoy those things and choose them over scrolling. We need to readjust our relationship with social media and place it in its rightful place.

In her book where she talks about how the heart cannot love what the mind does not know, in relation to our love for God's Word.

She emphasizes how Romans 12:2-3, when speaking of transformation does not speak only of the heart, but that transformation begins with our minds and then leads to our hearts.

 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind..."

Romans 12:2

Interestingly enough, she points out how the scientific community has made this contention of mind-before-heart, quoting Yale professor, Paul Bloom who has a PhD in cognitive psychology and specializes in pleasure research, which studies how we as people develop our ability to gain pleasure from experiences, things and people.

And the surprising thing he has discovered in his research is that pleasure is not something that simply happens, it's something that can be developed.

"People ask me, 'How do you get more pleasure out of life?'

And my answer is extremely pedantic: Study more... The key to enjoying wine isn't just to guzzle a lot of expensive wine, it's to learn about wine."

Paul bloom

Think about that for a second. The key to finding more pleasure in the things in our lives is to learn more about it.

To grow in our love for God's Word requires us to grow in our knowledge.

To grow in our enjoyment of a hobby like crocheting is to grow in our understanding of the skill.

And all of this requires our attention and our time.

Where we put our time, is where our affection grows.

When we are spending every moment we get on our phones, it only fuels our need and curiosity to return to it.

But when we begin to replace that time with time in God's Word, developing a hobby and just becoming life long learners we are fostering a greater enjoyment and pleasure in our daily lives which will soon enough allow the appeal of social media to grow strangely dim.

So, if you find yourself struggling with social media like I have, know this: you don't have to win the battle perfectly to keep fighting it.

If this resonated with you:

• Have you taken a social media break before?
• What helped you stay off your phone?

Leave a comment below.